Fight Fair and Save Your Relationship
End destructive fighting in your relationship. Get the practical tools you need to deal with anger and tension in your relationship.
| Updated February 08, 2021
Everyone fights once in a while—every couple, no matter how perfect they may seem or how great they get along—will fight. So how do some couples manage to get past these fights, move on and still have a healthy relationship? What is their secret, when so many other couples have succumbed to failure? It's actually rather simple.
The couples that last are the ones who disagree, but can actually learn to let it go and just move on. They fight, but they fight fair. Without this essential ingredient, the arguments and fights escalate into meltdowns and can bulldoze event the most well-intentioned couples.
Here are a few ways to fight fair and allow room for growth, even when you may not see eye to eye:
Keep it on the subject at hand
Don't bring up something she did months ago that bugged you but that you never mentioned, or that one time he said something rude to you years ago. Keep the argument focused on the subject at hand and fight the desire to use everything in your arsenal about everything that annoys you. There's really no way to fairly argue about the core issue if you do that.
Keep your voices at a certain level
Screaming at the top of your lungs is not only going to frighten the other person, but your neighbors as well. Keep it civil and restrained.
Don't curse
There really isn't any need for it, and it just shows a total lack of respect for the other person. Resist the temptation to call them vulgar names—there's no going back from that, and you can be sure that the person wont let you forget it.
Don't bring others into the argument
Keep your friends, family members and others near you out of your arguments. Do not ask any of them to agree or disagree with a point, and keep it between the two of you. It's not only going to make you look childish, but make everyone else feel extremely uncomfortable.
Remember how much this person means to you
Yes, you may be disagreeing right now, but remind yourself of how much in fact you really care about this person. You love them and you want to make this work, so what would be the best way to resolve it? Remembering some good times will also help calm you down enough to talk logically and figure the situation out.
Put yourself in their shoes
Why is it that they disagree with you? Do they have valid reasons for it? What if you were in their place? This line of thinking usually helps you to see where they're coming from and understanding them, which is really at the core of every argument. Let them know that you understand their point of view, but that you disagree, and from there, explain why. Be civil, courteous and respectful, no matter what.